I’m writing a diary in Zongman Chapter 263

As night fell, the Benkei Onsen Hotel seemed particularly quiet.

It was because they were tormented by a fortune-teller, and Maori Kogoro had been looking for them to talk to for the whole afternoon.

"Kogoro is really enthusiastic."

Yumi Horikoshi was also slightly distressed at this moment.

"That boy has been like this since the beginning, you know that."

Nakamichi Kazushi laughed wantonly beside him, and at this moment his smile was relaxed and a little bitter.

"I really didn’t expect you to have such serious psychological problems."

"Same here. I didn’t expect you to have the idea of ​​getting rid of me once and for all."

Yumi Horikoshi refuted back without hesitation.

But she was not so angry at this moment. It should be said that she actually had many thoughts of committing suicide in the past. Or her emotional instability and unconscious behavior of hurting others may be her instinctive desire to destroy herself.

Some things were exposed, and some words were forced to be said. In fact, she felt much more relaxed.

"My thoughts are a bit extreme. After all, I just changed the direction of my life, and my fiancée just agreed. In addition, don’t say that you are not wrong. I didn’t count you for the harassment during the past six months."

Nakamichi Kazushi was a little embarrassed when his pain was touched. After all, he really had such an idea, but it was Yumi who prompted him to have such an idea.

"For half a year… I was also confused."

"Who said it wasn’t?"

For both sides, the past six months were too chaotic, and their spirits were in a highly tense state, so they made the wrong choice.

Neither of them wanted to talk so much about the past.

Yumi Horikoshi looked up at the darkness and could still see the stars. It was as if there was still some hope in her dark life, and her depressed mood was slightly relieved.

She began to think about herself in the past six months.

She hoped that her significant other would be the one she loved, and that the one she loved would be tolerant enough to accept her unbearable side, but she was afraid of being disliked if she told her past experiences.

On the other hand, it was probably because the events of the past made her very wary of the opposite sex.

It was because of this wariness that she could never agree to Kazushi’s proposal. This situation became more and more obvious as Kazushi’s desire to get married became stronger, but with Kazushi’s complete departure, her nerves also collapsed.

The manic and violent mind completely occupied her, and the idea that I would completely destroy it even if I couldn’t get it grew from the bottom of my heart.

Now that I calm down and imagine it, it’s really scary.

I should go see a doctor.

Yumi Horikoshi can’t remember whether she had such thoughts in the past, but she understands, under that manic mind, she would still continue to act impulsively according to her past thoughts.

However, it was amazing that today, in that situation, she not only did not feel a trace of mania, but even felt very peaceful in her heart.

Although I don’t know how this situation came about, this feeling of complete spiritual tranquility made Horikoshi Yumi feel a rare relaxation.

It was because of this spiritual relaxation that Horikoshi Yumi had a calm thinking and realized that her mental state was not stable and needed systematic treatment.

"That’s the topic. It’s not good for Kogoro to find out that we’ve been away for too long."

Turning around, Horikoshi Yumi has also made a decision to separate from her past self.

"This should be the last time we meet. In the future, let’s not disturb each other’s lives."

After knowing that Nakamichi Kazushi had the intention to kill her, Horikoshi Yumi realized that her mental state had affected many people.

However, regardless of whether his mental state caused the influence of others, when Nakamichi Kazushi had this thought, the best outcome for them was separation, and they should not meet again in the future.

"Yeah."

Nakamichi Kazushi did not say anything to keep her. After 18 years of love, he only knew about Yumi’s dark experience until now, and it was from the mouth of Kogoro’s daughter’s friend.

Perhaps he should have noticed it earlier.

Unfortunately, there is no so-called "maybe" in this real world.

Yumi Horikoshi ran into someone as soon as she turned the corner.

"You…"

Yumi Horikoshi looked at the person in front of her, Atsushi Omura, who was the most honest and simple person in their judo club.

But at this moment, his face was a little sad. Yumi Horikoshi immediately realized that Omura had heard her conversation with Nakamichi Kazushi.

Yumi Horikoshi laughed.

"Omura, I’m not dead, don’t look sad for me. Didn’t Kogoro guess it right away from your look?"

"Yumi, your mental illness…"

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Omura Jun still looked at Yumi with worry.

"Well, I don’t think there is no way to treat it. After this class reunion, I plan to find a psychologist to cooperate with the treatment, but I may have to live a life of taking medicine in the future."

Yumi Horikoshi didn’t think there was anything wrong.

Mental illness still needs to be checked. After the current peaceful and calm state, she can no longer accept the uncontrollable self. Even if she uses drugs to control it, she doesn’t want to be a madman controlled by emotions forever.

Mental illness can also be solved, but the conditioning should be longer.

As for how long it will take, Yumi Horikoshi doesn’t know.
She has never thought that she has a mental problem in the past 18 years. After such a long delay, who knows how long it will take to recover?

"Yumi, do you want to date me?"

"…"

The sudden confession caught Yumi Horikoshi off guard. She turned around and looked at Omura Jun, who was uneasy because of saying such a thing. She couldn’t help laughing.

"Omura, I’m a bad woman. I’m not as simple as you see on the surface. I have been playing with a person’s feelings for 18 years."

"…I know."

"???"

"I knew that you and Nakamichi were dating when you were in college."[]

Omura Jun said something that surprised Yumi Horikoshi even more. She was silent for a while.

"Omura…are you serious?"

"Yeah. When we first met…I had a crush on you."

Yumi Horikoshi really didn’t expect it. She really didn’t know that Omura, the taciturn guy, had such feelings for her.

"You still say such things to me when you know what happened to me?"

"I…don’t want to see you get into trouble. I didn’t know before, but now I don’t want Yumi to become like that."

These words are absolutely true. Yumi Horikoshi can hear the sincerity in them.

"I don’t know when my mental illness will be cured."

"It doesn’t matter. I want to accompany you."

"…"

Yumi Horikoshi sighed and turned away.

"Then stay with me for a while. If you get bored, leave as soon as possible. I’m not a good woman."

PS: Please provide data for the new book.