Uchiha Sasuke’s Collapse Chapter 051

“Heavy-Duty Bunny Report Mode Activated—”

“Conclusion 1: Body flexibility is substandard. Standard tactical roll maneuver success rate is only 62%. Evasion trajectory prediction accuracy is rated in the algorithm as ‘like a one-eyed Pipsqueak dancing the square dance (error).’ Lumbar vertebral range of motion is restricted when bending, measured equivalent to ‘an unlubricated Honkai Beast’s charging axle.’ Recommended daily addition of ‘Homu Aerobics’ Seventh Set Flexibility Special Training.”

“Conclusion 2: Core strength is severely imbalanced. After continuously swinging a sword over 150 times, wrist torque decay curve is comparable to ‘wet newspaper soaked in vodka for three days.’”

“Final Recommendation: ‘Request use of Heavy-Duty Bunny’s power-assisted exoskeleton, or modify practice swords into automatic rotisserie skewers. That is all.’”

The cold, mechanical synthesized voice echoed throughout the courtyard. Mei, who was drenched in sweat, was leaning on a stone chair, applying a hot towel to her joints. Hearing the voice, her pretty face immediately contorted strangely.

Meanwhile, in front of Sasuke, Kiana, who was lying in the dirt panting without any regard for her image, was already steaming. After this string of electronic sounds, she turned completely red, like a lobster just pulled from a pot.

“You damn midget, I’ll fight you!” Kiana shakily got up from the dirt, about to pounce, but after only two steps, she suddenly clutched her waist. “Ow, ow, ow, ow…”

“According to Heavy-Duty Bunny’s report, you need specific flexibility training,” Bronya said expressionlessly, looking at Kiana clutching her waist.

“Damn it, damn it, damn it…”

The pain in Kiana’s waist made a vein throb on her forehead, and large beads of sweat continuously trickled down. She gritted her teeth, glaring at the two scoundrels in front of her who made her furious.

One mercilessly drilled her in actual combat; every time she practiced swordsmanship, Kiana felt like her entire body was about to fall apart.

The other midget, though merely observing in a pretense, had her machine incessantly analyzing Kiana’s movements, then listing a bunch of data Kiana couldn’t understand at all, drawing ridiculous conclusions to mock her.

Damn it, why do creatures with poker faces exist in this world? They are the lifelong enemies of the super, invincible, top, ultimate, most, most, most adorable Kiana!

“Not bad.”

Kiana was stunned, looking at the expressionless Sasuke under the cherry tree with surprise. She thought she was hallucinating.

This guy actually praises people?

“You can praise this Miss openly… Ow, ow, ow!” Kiana had just puffed out her chest proudly for less than two seconds when the pain in her waist immediately made her shrink like a quail.

“…”

She shouldn’t have had any expectations for this idiot.

Kiana’s performance in training was indeed better than Mei’s, though not in terms of physical fitness. On the contrary, in terms of flexibility and fluidity of movement, Raiden Mei, who had been trained in “Hokushin Itto-ryu” since childhood, far surpassed the wild-grown Kiana.

But Kiana was stronger in her intuition for crisis and response during practical combat training. If Mei was a pampered house cat, well-fed and sleek-furred, then Kiana was a wild cat that ate when it could and starved when it couldn’t, but could arch its back and hiss in a second.

Training Kiana was like training a young wild beast.

“Alright, your bodies are nearing their limits. Today’s training ends here.”

“Yay!” Kiana cheered, then looked at Mei. “Hungry, food!”

Mei’s forehead immediately filled with black lines.

Sometimes she wondered if Kiana was her best friend or a monstrously hungry pet she’d adopted. Her and Sasuke’s combined appetite wasn’t even half of Kiana’s. If the Raiden family hadn’t been ‘a dying camel bigger than a horse,’ they might not have been able to afford this white-haired food-guzzler.

“If you’re hungry, we can go to the cafeteria to eat a little first. Today we need to buy various things for the New Year.”

“Oh, New Year’s Day is coming soon,” Kiana scratched the back of her head.

“Not New Year’s Day, it’s the Far East’s New Year… never mind, it’s pretty much the same.” Mei looked in the direction of the cherry tree. “Sasuke, and Bronya, do you want to come along?”

“Okay.” Concise, that was Sasuke.

“If it’s Mei-neechan, Bronya is willing.”

“What do you mean ‘if it’s Mei-neechan’?”

Although Bronya’s voice sounded extremely calm, not much different from Sasuke’s, Kiana, whose NTR warrior radar had awakened, immediately became sensitive.

“Because Bronya doesn’t want to spend New Year’s Day with a single-celled organism.”

“Did you just call me a single-celled organism?!”

“Single-celled organisms lack the ability for self-aware thought, that’s normal.”

“You!”

The flat tone combined with the mocking words instantly ignited Kiana’s fury. She glared, as if trying to see through Sasuke to Bronya behind him.

Bronya showed no intention of backing down. She stared back at Kiana, yielding not an inch.

She felt guilty towards Mei, and coupled with Mei’s gentle personality and the maternal warmth she hadn’t experienced from Cocolia-mama, that’s why she spoke sweetly and called her “Mei-neechan.”

But for a certain individual who had ill intentions written all over her face, she had no good graces. Before Sasuke arrived, Kiana had already caused quite a bit of trouble in Changkong City, which was under Bronya’s control.

“Alright.”

Mei sighed, rubbing her forehead slightly, feeling a headache coming on.

Before, when it was just Sasuke, his daily squabbles with Kiana were enough to give her a headache, not to mention now there was another little girl.

Sasuke was mature enough, sometimes too lazy to argue with Kiana, but Bronya didn’t seem to be.

“Don’t you have family to spend New Year’s Day with?! If you can’t go with your Cocolia-mama, don’t you have other relatives?” Kiana tried to use the same method she used to drive away Sasuke to drive away Bronya.

“Bronya doesn’t have a father.”

“Bronya doesn’t have a mother either.”

“They died in the Second Honkai Impact.”

The girl’s tone was flat, showing no sadness or heaviness.

Kiana was immediately choked.

Annoyance surged in her heart. She really hadn’t expected that her casual excuse to drive someone away would result in the same answer she got from Sasuke that day.

She originally thought that she and Mei, who had only seen their fathers since childhood, were miserable enough, but she never expected there to be something even more outrageous, and more than one.

“Oh… alright.”

Kiana drooped her head. Although somewhat reluctant, she certainly couldn’t say anything more in this situation.

And, she didn’t know why, but she felt a strange guilt when she heard about the Second Honkai Impact.

Was it because she felt bad for exposing the midget’s inner wound?

PS: Kids, I just reviewed the Three Years Sakura manga and found a curious bug. According to the plot timeline, it should be December 2013, but Duckie appears at the end of the manga. However, Duckie should have met Mei and Kiana around March 2014, when the Third Honkai Impact began to erupt, right?